Editor's update - it's been a while
A few things about Westside Review's future and a personal mental health update
Good morning,, readers and subscribers.
It has been a while, a longer while than I expected. I will get into the why a bit later in this post. But with our publisher Vanessa Stokes kicking off her new column, I thought it was important to talk a bit about what else might be in store for this Substack and Westside Review in general.
Many things are still in flux. Over the next few weeks, Vanessa and I will be catching up and discussing where things are going in the future. But, on the short term, don’t be surprised to see a post or several from me, maybe some commentary and a photo essay. We’ll see.
You may have noticed that we have recently turned on paid subscriptions. As I’ve written before, when we launched this Substack, I didn’t expect anyone to pledge anything, so I just left the subscription pledge options at Substack default. To my pleasant surprise, a few of you (nine as of this writing) did pledge us a total of $732 a year. That is no small number, and it shows that many of you believe in Vanessa’s vision for the kind of publication West Side deserves, and the work all of the contributors have put into it so far. But in order to make the Westside Review a regular quarterly publication, we will need more than that.
Assuming everybody pledges at a regular tier, we need at least another 2,200 subscribers. That is a pretty ambitious goal. To be clear, Vanessa and I never planned to try to raise money through Substack subscriptions alone. But, given that nine of you pledged without any prompting, I thought it was only fair to give you, our readers and subscribers, some sense of what that might take.
Now, if we do get that many subscribers, we certainly wouldn’t object. But, in the near future, getting another 100 paid would go a long way. It would give Westside Review some money to work with, so that Vanessa and I can dedicate more time to the Substack. Heck, if we double that, we might be able to bring on freelancers.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Vanessa and I still have a lot to discuss, so please stay tuned. In the meantime, we appreciate every subscription, whether it’s free or paid. Please, spread the word, and if you have any suggestions for what you would like to see on this Substack, please don’t hesitate to send an email or leave a comment.
So, where have I been for the past few months (a.k.a Depression is a Liar)
When I last posted, I was writing about potentially coming back in the end of June, and maybe posting some stuff here and there. That obviously didn’t happen.
On June 5, I came pretty close to killing myself. Unlike back in mid-May, I didn’t want anyone to talk me out of it. I won’t elaborate on how and why I got to that point, because I don’t think putting it in a public medium it would help anyone, but… let’s just say that things could’ve easily ended very differently.
Two days later, my long therapy search finally got some progress. I have been going to therapy since mid-June.
I am still not out of the woods, not by a long shot. The things that drove me to that point back in June 5 are still there, every day. But I am getting support I didn’t have before, and I like to think that’s worth something.
I’ve written about my mental health struggles here because I don’t believe that it’s something to shy away from, and because I hope that it might be helpful to you, our readers and subscribers.
If there is anything I hope you take away from this half of the post, it’s this. Depression is a liar. It takes everything and turns it to ash. Every negative thing gets amplified. Every positive thing gets twisted into a negative. Depression does its utmost to turn everything into another reason why you are an awful person who hurts everyone you love and why the the world would be better off without you. And it’s so convincing that, even though you know depression is a liar, it still feels so damn convincing.
In this state of mind, therapy is important. But I think, in my admittedly biased option, so is having people in your corner. And I do mean “people,” plural. Putting that kind of thing on one person is unfair and impractical, for many reasons. Also, it isn’t something anyone should take on if they don’t feel up to it. Your mental health is important, too, and doing something just because you feel you have to is a recipe for resentment.
(I say all of that as someone who’s been on the other side of it, too. It’s a harrowing and terrifying experience, to know that someone you care about wants to end your life. If I had to do it again… Well, I would strongly encourage that person to get therapy, but everything else, I would do again in a heartbeat)
In my experience, more often than not, having someone you trust and care about remind you that depression is a liar has helped. Having someone you trust and care about remind you that they do care, and they do want you around, can go a long way.
And having someone you care about tell you to get therapy but not saying that they care and they want you around… Depression can easily twist it, so all you hear is that they are offering generic advice, but they don’t care about you in particular at all. And that can, and has, made things worse.
Because I don’t want to end this post on a complete downer, I will reiterate something I’ve said before, and which is always worth repeating. Covering West Side has been one of my most consistent journalism gigs, and one of the most enjoying and fulfilling things I’ve ever done as a journalist and just as a person. I want to do right by the communities that have so much to offer, and that have given me so much in return.
Whatever may happen in the months and years to come, that is my commitment to you.
