Programming note

There won’t be a Westside Weekly Review this week. My paid work, along with some other commitments, piled up, and something had to give. And it’s a testament to how busy I’ve been that I’m only putting this out on Monday.

I could leave it at that, but since I wrote about my mental health before, I thought it was only fair that I acknowledge that this was a factor as well. I came pretty close to just ending it all last Wednesday. I ended up talking to friends and family members, because some small part of me insisted that I should give them a chance to talk me out of it. Things are not as dire now, but I’ve been through this roller coaster a few times, and I don’t trust that I won’t be back at this pretty low point in the future.

I feel like, if it’s over and I ever emerge on the other side, there is an essay to be written about the barriers to accessing mental health services, especially for those of us on Medicaid or who are Medicaid-eligible but need to go through the trouble of actually applying. I could write about the barriers to accessing the services themselves. Asking for help is one thing. Actually getting the help you ask for is another.

(But we will, hopefully, talk more about that later).

Having said that, I would still encourage anyone who is reading this who might be struggling, or knows someone who’s struggling, not to give up. And that, while talking to someone, a friend or a family member, isn’t a substitute for therapy, it can help. Talking about something like this can be scary, but hopefully, you' have someone around you who first and foremost wants you alive, and to be there. Even if doesn’t feel like you have anyone like that.

If I don’t make it, if there is any advice - just purely based on my experience for the past few months - is to talk to people. Trying to hide your pain and your anguish from people you care about may seem like a good idea, because you don’t want to bother them, or you think it will make them feel bad, or because you want to be strong for them, or so many other reasons… But it will eat you up inside, and it will affect things on the outside. The more you try to keep it in, the worse it’s going to get.

Don’t let it get as bad as it got for me.

Hopefully, we’ll be back to regular programming on Sunday.

Igor Studenkov
Editor, Westside Review